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I Wear Too Much Clothing

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It started with sweaters and cardigans. Actually, I lie, it was 2002 I rocked denim jackets. Then came the discovery of the Abercrombie cardigan. And then came the tights. Now I won`t walk out of the house unless I`m wearing a good 25% of my closet. Some cardigans require a vest because I`m not thrilled with the length of the cardigan. Some dresses need a slip for that same reason. And really, I love all of my clothes and can`t part with them for more than ten hours at a time. They lose their luster.

I clearly wear too much clothing  at once. It`s like a safety blanket. I think it`s the Bubba in my head telling me to dress for a blizzard  you never can be too sure (I live in Miami.)

Plug your ears honey  I once had a boyfriend who announced, All of my friends think you`re an Orthodox Jew. The layering was out of control at this point.

My friends whine mercilessly when I roll up to the club in sequined dress, tights, and cardigan. They tug at my sleeves and and ask every drunk in the club if I would in fact look hotter without the sweater. Usually these members of my tipsy audience just nod stupidly and slosh their drink onto my Alexander Wang`s. Lushes.

I swear sometimes it`s cool to rock the Yeshiva look. And I`m never cold. And I secretly weigh 108 pounds (or you know, in that ballpark) under all of those layers urprise, I`m a waif! And the beauty of marriage my husband thinks my library chic look is adorable, or he`s just trying to get into my three layers of pants.

 

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